Who do you think you are?
At the heart of a mid-life metamorphosis lies the fact that you have changed and your life needs to alter to reflect that. So, although you might have known in the past, it might be time to take shock of who you currently are and what's important to you.
Start by making a list of all your core values
The things that matter most to you in life, like honestly, creativity and connection with others - the elements that really mean something to you.
For each core value, ask yourself two questions
What does this value mean to me? So if you're chosen, say, compassion, you'd say it means putting yourself in someone else's shoes and not judging them. And second, why is this important to me? In this case, it could be because it keeps you connected to the world and the people around you in a meaningful way.
Unleash all your hidden talents
Being told early on that you're hopeless at something - whether it's singing, painting or something more fundamental - can mean you blank that area from then on. Going back to your list of core values is a good way of finding hidden talents.
- which of these values are you not expressing in your everyday life?
- What difference would it make to your life if you did express this value?
- Write down six things you could do to express this. In the case of "adventure", these would be things that take you out of your comfort zone, such as public speaking or joining a new group where you don't know anyone. Your hidden talents might turn out to be as simple as getting on with new people.
Take time out
Taking time out doesn't have to mean something as extreme as a year. At the smallest end of the scale everyone - even the most "sorted" among us - would benefit from an hour a week to just focus on ourselves and what need to change in our lives. Maybe you can give it longer - a week, even a month's mini sabbatical? If you invest time now in working out what you really want, you will definitely reap the rewards many times over in the years to come.
- If you have an hour, make sure that you spend it away from the distractions of your home - maybe in a local coffee shop or park.
- Invest in a luxurious notebook; the kind that makes writing a pleasure. Keep it in your handbag at all times for inspirational ideas.
- Take a page in your notebook for each of the different areas in your life; work, family, home, relationships. Write the heading at the top and underneath make the list of the changes you want to make in each area. These don't have to be big - for example, going to see a movie once a week.
- Each week review the goals you've set, monitoring your progress. Identifying and taking small steps on a regular basis ensure that you can continuously move in the right direction.
Release your fears
What if I lose my financial security? What if my husband leave me? What if I fail to make my dream come true? Often, the thing that hold us back from moving forward is fear. Try applying this rule - FEAR stands for False Expectations Appearing Real. The key to dealing with it is to focus on the reality of your situation and then create a plan to deal with it.
- Stick to the facts of the situation - not the fantasy of what is scaring you.
- Think of people who could help you with the problems you've identified, then call them and ask for their input and ideas.
- Often our fears are about what might happen rather than what has happened, but if you have something current to address, come up with six options for dealing with it. Now decide which would be the most effective and what the repercussions will be.
Dr.Derek Miline, a clinical psychologist and author of Coping with Mid-life Crisis, has these suggestions:
- Don't be afraid of experimentation. Decisions you make now don't have to be set in stone. There is a saying: "If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you've always got". By making tweak here and there in your life, you can achieve dramatically different outcomes.
- Take small steps. You don't have to divorce your husband or do a solo crossing of the Atlantic, just as long as you are taking steps towards an ultimate goal. If you're crying out for change, the process of changing can end up being as liberating as the actual changes themselves.
- Be proud of yourself. You are taking control of your life and designing a more fulfilling future. That is not easy and every step deserves a lot of self-praise.